Two Martini Lunch » Kim

And Life Goes On

Kim — Tue, 14 May 2013 06:08:47 +0000

Balloons released in memory of my brother.
Thank you to my cousin, Janice, for the wonderful photos.

The services, memorials and tributes are now over which means today is the day we are supposed to get on with the business of life. As I plan my day which includes a visit to the bank and several stores to return items, it just doesn’t seem quite right. It seems wrong to try and make plans, post on Facebook, write blogs and pursue dreams when a piece of you is missing. Most of all it seems wrong to laugh and have fun.

I know Doug would not want us to wallow in sadness. He never did. He would want my mom to play golf, he would want my sister to spoil her kids (preferably with more animals) and he would want me to pursue my dreams and continue trying to make sense out of teenagers (that may be a lost cause, however). He would want us to live and live life fully. This I know with all of my heart.

They say time heals all wounds. If I learned one thing from my sister’s death is that that is a bunch of bull (I might use a different word here but my mother is reading). I have found time only provides us with the tools to better manage the pain – which never quite goes away. The process with Lisa was long and hard and I don’t remember much while living in the fog of grief. This time around I feel acutely aware of my surroundings. I am more sad than angry and I feel the emptiness in my heart more – maybe because it is twice as big.

So on with life I will go. It will not be easy, especially at first. In fact, I am expecting it will take some serious effort. People keep asking me how they can help. Just be there. Don’t avoid the discussion. Know that it is OK to talk about it. And it is OK to say you don’t know what to say. Lord knows I don’t. I don’t want to hide from what happened and talking keeps the memory of my brother alive. More importantly, It will eventually help me to heal. I apologize in advance for the random tears that are bound to appear without reason or any warning. And when this happens just hug me and let me cry.

I keep thanking you, my family and friends, for your love and the warmth of your kind words. While it might seem an odd thing to say considering the circumstance, your support has left me feeling truly blessed.

A Video Tribute to My Brother, Doug.

Kim — Sat, 11 May 2013 20:42:48 +0000

A tribute to my brother. It is so hard to believe he is gone. My heart hurts.

RIP Brother

Kim — Sun, 05 May 2013 03:54:43 +0000

My brother was murdered last week – shot in the chest because he gave someone a ride home. Thanks to a silent witness tip, the police know who is responsible and are now in pursuit. The minute I found out about what happened I hopped on a plane to be with my mother. No mother should have to bury their child, yet my mother is now burying her second. We still haven’t recovered from losing my sister 26 years ago and here we are in familiar territory that leaves us feeling numb and barely able to get through the simpliest of tasks on any given day. I want nothing more than to relieve my mother of this unimaginable pain but all I can do is be here for her.

My brother and I were about as opposite as two people can get. Where I am a planner, he was a go with the flow kind of guy. Where I follow the rules, he felt it his duty to challenge them - and he was really good at it by the way. Where I am practical, he was and always will be a dreamer.

I am not going to lie. Doug’s life was riddled with struggle. He was diagnosed bipolar and battled addiction for the last 26 years. Yet even with these struggles, he always had a dream. In fact, he was one of the most optimistic people I have ever known and he was always searching for the silver lining.

My brother was a gentle soul who related best to children and animals. I have two favorite stories of my brother and both involved animals. The first one was when he turned his closest into a terarium that housed a boa constrictor – without telling my mother. Imagine her reaction when she went to put his clothes away. That reaction was a common one in our house. The last straw with the snake was when it got loose and wound itself around the trunk of our Christmas tree. After that incident – no more snake.

The other incident was when my mom and a friend were sitting on the patio. Our house backed up to a wash and we were always playing in it. As they were sitting out there enjoying some drinks they heard some rustling and soon after a chicken flew over the fence. And then another one and another and another. In fits of laughter, my mother and her friend were wondering how these chickens were flying over the fence. Then came Doug. After some serious explaining it was determined that he freed the chickens from captivity to give them a better life. That sums up Doug perfectly.

The hardest part about this ordeal is that my brother was really getting his life on track. Doug was not a violent person at all. He hated guns and to be murdered so violently does not paint the right picture. Why now? Why this way? I am looking for the plan and the lesson in this and it is eluding me right now. I am a woman of faith. But this is rocking my world and not in a good way. It is making me doubt everything and I am second guessing all my decisions. I am so unsure about being so far away when it is obvious my mother just needs her family around her.

Doug, now that you are reunited with Lisa, I need the two of you to send a clear sign. None of this cloudly, you can interpret it either way kind of sign. A crystal clear sign. How do I help mom through this? What path am I really supposed to be on? What is best for my kids during this time? Crystal clear signs, got that? I will be waiting. Oh and no trickery. Now is not the time.

Dougy, I love you. I am comforted (somewhat) in the fact that you are with Lisa. I miss you both so very, very much. I don’t quite feel whole. You two need to save me a seat. While I would give anything to be reunited with you both, it will have to wait. I have some boys to raise and a mother to comfort. I know you understand and are watching over us.

My New Gym

Kim — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 07:11:41 +0000

I have never loved going to the gym because I always feel so inadequate. This is funny coming from a former aerobics instructor but I really only went out of necessity (at least when I was younger – now I just never go). So imagine my surprise when on an afternoon walk in our new neighborhood we found this.

What is a health park? It is a bunch of machines in a park that use your body weight as resistance. They have rowers, gliders, ellipticals, incline abdominal benches, chest press, stair steppers, pull up bars and a few other things I have really no idea how to use properly.

It gets pretty crowded at peak times which is after the sun sets during the week and in the morning on the weekends – for obvious reasons. In fact, we noticed it was exceptionally crowded this last week and wondering if it had to due with the Thai New Year. It is about a 25 minute brisk walk to get there, so we get our warm up, cool down (not that there is such a thing here) and cardio automatically.

I must say I like going to this gym. This is my view while doing abs:

And this is my view from the rowing machine:

And my view from the elliptical:

Yes. I could get used to working out here. Working out in a hot, humid climate lends itself to an amazing amount of sweat. I love sweating because it feels like I am losing all sorts of weight and toxins – even if I’m not. And the shower that follows the workout feels ever so good. Speaking of which, I am off to shower. For once it is not my teenagers stinking up the room.

Wat Arun, Bangkok, Thailand

Kim — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:25:34 +0000

Did you know there are over 31,000 Buddhist temples in Thailand? I didn’t but I shouldn’t be surprised because every time I turn a corner I see another stunning temple I want to visit. Last week we took a short river cruise on the Chao Praya when we spotted Wat Arun across the river and I knew where we were going next. We were extremely happy that Carter chose to grace us with his presence on this outing. I promised I wouldn’t take his picture but I snuck this one in on the sly as proof (that is him with his back to the camera).

Wat Arun, also known as the Temple of Dawn, is named after the Indian God of Dawn, Aruna.

It is hard not to be drawn to the main prang (Khmer-style tower) which is about 79 meters (259 feet) high. It is surrounded by 4 smaller prangs which hold statues of the God of Wind, Phra Phai. What is great about these prangs is they are adorned with porcelain that was previously used as ballast from boats travelling to Bangkok from China. From Wat Arun: “The long, elongated, Khmer-style Prang or tower, and four minor towers symbolize the terrestrial representation of the thirty-three heavens.”

Way took this photo. Nice Job, honey.

During our boat ride on the river, I could see people climbing the main prang. Being afraid of heights, I do not know what I was thinking. Well, yes I do. My teenagers were egging me on and I had to prove something to them. Silly, silly me.

The steps were so narrow your whole foot would not fit on it. They were much higher than a normal step especially for a short-legged creature like me. Going up wasn’t nearly as bad as going down. On the way down, I made Way stay right in front of me to cushion my fall. I went down backward, one slow step at a time. Apparently my panic was evident because people clapped when I reached the bottom. Here are those evil steps:

The view from the landing was worth the climb. At least the climb up.

Up on one of the landings they had this pink cloth protecting the surface and everyone was signing their names. So we joined in.

I wrote an intention that I will keep secret but I also wrote this:

We even made some new friends from Burma who were touring around Thailand.

Our afternoon at Wat Arun was wonderful. Extremely hot but wonderful. We were even using our parasols.

Bring Your Own Plate

Kim — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 11:36:57 +0000

It is official. Our simpler life of adventure has begun in Bangkok. You probably think it began two months ago but really only the adventure began and life was put on hold while we sorted everything out. Now that it is all sorted, simple living has begun. And so far it has been nice.

Our simple life begins by the sheer fact that we walk everywhere. And when we don’t walk, we use public transportation and taxis. Walking means we never over buy at the grocery store. Walking means I have worn through all of my cheap sandals and invested in a good pair with support. Walking means we get to have great conversations, share dreams and make some awesome plans. Walking has slowed us down so we can connect as a family.

The fact that it took us 3 taxi rides and two hours to move and unpack in our new home illustrates how our life has evolved. Our last move took us 3 days, 2 moving trucks and after 5 years we never fully unpacked. The only thing I have felt the need to buy was a broom, dust pan, 4 plates and 4 bowls. You know what that means? Bring your own plate when you come to visit. (Just kidding. I will splurge and buy you one). When we were at the store buying our broom, Brennan said we should buy some more plates. Why? So they can pile up in the sink? No thank you.

A little exploring over the weekend took the whole family (even Carter joined us) to Wat Arun (more on this adventure later).

Now that I am getting on a schedule my day looks something like this: Wake up (this is always the hardest part for me). I make a cup of coffee and chat with some friends online. I start a load of laundry (the machine is really small so I do a load every day) and then clean up a bit. I do some writing. I go to the local vendors and/or store and get lunch and other necessities to keep my growing boys growing. I write some more. I take a swim. Then I take a nap if time allows – which it almost always does. Way is usually home when I wake up and he brings dinner with him. We will eat a little something then walk to our gym (the park) and workout. We come home and play good old-fashioned games with the boys (bananagrams is our favorite right now). I write some more. I chat with friends online. And off to bed I go (normally, I would say this is the best part but truthfully playing games with the family is).

That is my daily schedule. I never feel rushed, late or anxious about being somewhere or possibly missing something. I just flit along. Maybe this feeling will end once the boys start school but for now it is perfect. Nothing overwhelming. Just the gift of savoring the moment. We usually wait for the weekends to explore so Way doesn’t miss out on anything.

I have been having a creative itch lately, one where I can get my hands dirty. I can imagine a hobby popping up somewhere soon. Just trying to figure out what that looks like as there are so many things that look interesting and that I want to try. I have worked around the clock for so long that this slower pace is taking a bit of getting used to. As I start on this “simpler life” path, I wonder why we ever scheduled ourselves the way we did. Hopefully, we won’t fall into the same trap as we get more and more settled.

Poker Blogger Job Update: I just received my interview date. It is early next week. Keep your fingers crossed. Yikes. Could this really be happening?

Getting to Know My Kids

Kim — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 09:38:54 +0000

This crazy move to Thailand has given me an unexpected gift, one I didn’t know I needed and never expected. These last two months has allowed me to get to know my kids. Really get to know them as individuals, not as my children but as real people. If you had asked me three months ago if I knew my children, I would have said yes and I would have believed it. I also would have been wrong.

Today, I am still getting to know my children but what I have learned makes me grateful for this time without distractions and outside influences. I always thought Brennan was more like me and Carter more like Way. It just so happens the opposite is true.

Brennan is much more social than he would like you to believe. He likes the adventure of this journey and has been embracing every twist and turn. He is always up for trying new things, will gladly go on any excursion (even to a mall) and is willing to eat anything at least once. I am surprised at the things he wants to do here. He wants to experience everything and I love that about him.

He is creative by nature but needs a little help as he doesn’t always know how to approach things. One of our friends (thanks, Kelly) prompted him to start writing a blog. He is having a hard time getting started but I know once he gets the hang of it, he will be glad he did. He finally wrote his first post – albeit a very short one. Brennan has the uncanny knack of being extremely lazy. However the right carrot will light a fire. Finding the right carrot is the tough part as he doesn’t place much value on material things.

He is a debator, a conversationalist and a know-it-all (but then again what 16 year-old isn’t). He stands up for the rights of the little people – even though he may not always know why. He loves learning, expecially if it includes the history of anything and he is a voracious reader. He is often reading 3-4 books at a time – usually ones that he has already read. He also won’t read a book past the first chapter if it doesn’t grab his attention. He wants to go to school here – which I find amusing since his entire focus previously has been on avoiding school. He wants to make friends and is thinking about college (which is something I thought he was conveniently trying to avoid).

I always thought Carter was the social child but that turns out not to be the case. Carter is well-liked and always has been but looking back, I realized he has always hung around the same group of kids since Kindegarten – even when they went off to separate schools. He doesn’t let new people in very easily and is much more of homebody than I originally thought. He is happiest when we are home.

Carter likes his routine and structure. It is to our benefit to alert him to any changes in the routine early so he can mentally prepare. We have started to plan more in advance so he always knows what outings are coming up and which ones he will required to join. We don’t give him too much advance notice though so as not to create any undue anxiety at the thought of exploring yet another Wat.

Carter is very analytical. He sees the logic in every situation and his humor often reflects that. Carter can be bribed and understands that money has value even though his value and real world value are still far apart. You can often hear him offering to smile for 100 baht (that is why he is rarely smiling in his pictures).

I have found out Carter is really good with computers. Like, really good. After much consideration, we have determined Carter will go to an online school and take computer coding classes. I think this is his future – although he isn’t quite convinced yet. We are also going to sign him up for local music classes because I think he really misses playing his bass. His toes aren’t tapping nearly as much as they used to and I miss that.

These boys of mine are totally different and I love finding out what makes them tick. So many times as a parent, I wonder what I did wrong when they make a less than ideal choice. I know that these choices are helping to shape who they will become and I am realizing it is my reaction to those choices that plays an important role in their development. Understanding them better and why they make the choices they make will help me react in a way that values their ability to choose and positions me to help guide them in a non-threatening way.

Will I always be successful? No. Will I still lose it? Surely. In the end, I know that this time will be valuable to all of us in more ways than just exposure to a new culture – it has brought us closer as a family. And what could be more important than that?

The Evolution of a Dream

Kim — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 04:19:39 +0000

The Evolution of a Dream

I remember in 2008 sitting in the Penn & Teller theater watching the first November Nine (the final table of the World Series of Poker Main Event) being played out. I was sitting with a bunch of poker fanatics just like me. You couldn’t see the hole cards and there were long stretches of boredom interspersed with moments of intense excitement as someone went all-in or even as a flop was dealt. But I was having the time of my life.

It was then that I thought I would like to be a member of the poker media, reporting on live tournaments, interviewing the players and finding the stories that would help others see what I love in poker. At that time though, I wasn’t quite sure that was a reality for me. I didn’t think of myself as a writer and I certainly couldn’t see myself doing anything on camera. So it was just a thought. A thought that continued to creep into my mind when I was around a big tournament and saw all the poker media badges gain access to all those “media only” areas.

Two years ago, returning from my last trip to Vegas of the summer, I remember talking to Way about this thought. I still hadn’t started blogging and we talked about how we could make that happen. At that time my shop was taking off and I was working long hours, so the possibility just wasn’t a reality. But the “thought” became a dream.

I have been blogging for about a year now. I have found that I really love it. I never thought I would say that about anything that had to do with writing (just ask any of my former English teachers). I am not so sure that I am a good technical writer but unless everyone is lying to me, there are people out there that enjoy what I write. I think it is because I write real – real stories, real perspective, real voice.

A few days ago, I took the first step in turning my dream into a goal. I wrote to my favorite poker news site, Poker News, and asked about their Live Tournament Blogger position. And I got a response – and it wasn’t of the form letter variety. It actually thanked me for my enthusiastic letter. That means I may have overdone it a bit but hey I got a response. They said something about scheduling an interview and now I just need to patiently wait for that to happen. Have I mentioned patience isn’t my strong suit?

I am as much a fan of poker as I am a player. So what could be better than playing for a living? Writing about the action of course. I have already established the reasons why I am not a professional poker player, so the dream of covering the action becomes the next best thing in my mind. I even started a little poker blog (Poker Blogette) so I can write about poker to keep me closer to the game I love while living in a country where gambling is illegal. Why not just write about poker here? Not everyone gets poker and I don’t want to subject that on them. Plus, this is more about my day to day.

I wanted to spend the summer in Vegas at the WSOP and have started putting the pieces together to do so. Now, I have an opportunity to get real close to the action in an official capacity. Sounds impressive right? I couldn’t be more excited at the possibility. Putting myself out there is not something I would normally do. I thought I would put the intention out there so you can all think good thoughts for me! Keep your fingers crossed.

Friday’s Letters {April 19, 2013}

Kim — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 12:31:59 +0000

source: Very Best Quotes

Dear Internet,
Well hello there, sexy. My how I have missed having a good, fast connection that I can call my very own.

Dear Silom Road,
Happy New Year. They were not kidding when they said you were the biggest Songkran Festival in Bangkok. We had so much fun getting wet, chalked, eating your food and drinking your beer. See you next year!

Dear Poker News,
Please. Pretty please.

Dear Bangkok,
You are growing on me. I am feeling more and more comfortable here. There is something to be said for the conveniences of a big city. I am happy to call you home.

Dear Apartment,
You are even better than I imagined. Sure you were a little tricky by hiding that switch that makes the shower work and I am not used to lighting the flame for my stove but all in all – you are a gem! I am sure the maintenance men are still laughing at those “Americans” but oh well – I am sure it won’t be the last time. :-)

Dear Teenagers,
It is nice to be under one roof again so I can hear you bickering and blaming each other for things the ghost obviously did. NOT. Now go clean your rooms.

Dear Way,
I think we are finally settling in and it feels good. I finally feel like we can do this.

Dear Universe,
I am feeling much lighter this week with the stress of where we will be living lifted. I knew you wouldn’t lead me astray and I now realize you took me down the bumpy road so I can appreciate the beautiful view all that much more. Stay with me and hold my hand. I like having you on my side.

And finally,

Dear Boston, My heart goes out to you. May you stand strong and heal swiftly. You will be in my prayers.

XOXO

Happy New Year Thailand

Kim — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 03:28:52 +0000

Armed and ready for Songkran.

Songkran is the celebration of the new year in Thailand which occurs when the sun transits the constellation Aries, the first sign in the Zodiac. More so now, the date is fixed and can be celebrated on different dates throughout the region. We just ended our Songkran festival in Bangkok and Pattaya’s (about 2 hours south) celebration is just beginning. A typical New Year greeting: สวัสดีปีใหม่ (sawatdi pi mai). Throughout Bangkok there were street celebrations, big and small, that included dousing people with water and annointing them with chalk. Of course there was plenty of food and beer to be had.

The historical significance of the water is the cleansing of the mind, body and spirit and the chalk represents blessings as in the blessings given by monks. It used to be that you would cleanse Buddhas, visit monks and feed them and even “spring clean” your home. These days though it is just one big party.

The Crowd at Silom Road from the Skywalk.

We had a blast celebrating Songkran on Silom Road – one of Bangkok’s biggest celebrations. We went armed with water guns and had a ball. It reminded me of Time Square on December 31st – except it was daytime, hot and there was a lot of water to cool us down.

In the crowd. Plenty of blessings were had.

For those of you wondering where Carter is in all of my pictures, he is chosing not to have his picture taken or not participating in the event. He is alive and well – I assure you. I am just trying to respect his privacy which is a pretty hard thing to do. He is so cute, I would love nothing more than to plaster him all over the place. Also, we will not have internet until Friday. So be patient with sparse posting.

Brennan overlooking the crowd we just left. See the big sprays of water in the back?
That is the fire department hosing us down.

Two Martini Lunch » Kim

And Life Goes On

While you are here, check out:

A Video Tribute to My Brother, Doug.

While you are here, check out:

RIP Brother

While you are here, check out:

My New Gym

While you are here, check out:

Wat Arun, Bangkok, Thailand

While you are here, check out:

Bring Your Own Plate

While you are here, check out:

Getting to Know My Kids

While you are here, check out:

The Evolution of a Dream

While you are here, check out:

Friday’s Letters {April 19, 2013}

While you are here, check out:

Happy New Year Thailand

While you are here, check out: